Now that it is the official end of the semester, no more exams or critiques. Literally it is the end of critiques! Next fall semester I will not be taking any studio courses due to the fact I have my education classes and blocking, a.k.a pre-student teaching. Of course, that will not stop me from doing what I love most, creating, specifically painting. I am very excited yet nervous for my upcoming final, yes final semesters at Marywood. I cannot believe it will be my final year as an undergraduate student; around this time next year I will be a graduate! Still that is yet to come and is quite out there in time, and if there is not one thing I learned thus far in life it is “anything can happen.”
As of now, I am nervous. My final yet very important steps to my degree are near and they have me pondering and doubting. I try not to let my doubts get the best of me because that is the worse thing I can do for myself. I do not speak much of my education side to my degree because all I have done so far is my studio courses and a few education classes here and there. I cannot say I am an expert quite yet! I think that is what worries me at this point because I think to myself, am I really ready to step foot into a classroom and teach when I only ever did thus far is observe? However, I did learn a great deal from all of the teachers I observed for and cherish each unique and individual experience deeply. But, when I am feeling doubtful, I immediately try and change my thought because I think of two very important and special people in my life who support me immensely, my sisters.
For those of you who may not know, both my sisters, Taylor and Tori, play such an important role in my life. I may be the oldest of the three of us, but they are the ones who inspire, support, and genuinely believe in me. Both my sisters take part in my art making world. My favorite days are the ones when the three of us get together and each create something from our hearts, whether it be on paper or canvas. Both my sisters contain such beauty and creativity. Watching them create inspires me most, it fills my soul. Just as I doubt myself, my sisters doubt their art skills too, but not as much anymore, especially Tori. We always work in my room together on the floor, each of us have our own style that is never discriminated. Tori taught me this. She enforced the notion of expression when it comes to creating. As long as one is expressing themselves as the person they truly are, a work of art is created. Taylor taught me art takes time. A piece will not always be finished instantly, walking away from a piece is sometimes the best thing for yourself and your piece. Her precision and gentle touch is truly remarkable.
Those two taught me quite a bit and give me the missing confidence I lack at times. One day when Tori and I were painting, we shared such an incredible moment. It was a bit more special for me because she said something that I will forever carry within me. She told me I would make a great art teacher one day. That was the first time anyone has ever said something like that to me. Anyone can say that but hearing it from someone who I admire and cherish most in life, someone who sees my process, someone who creates along side of me, and someone who I trust meant the world to me. Having those words in my mind, my soul will forever plant faith within myself. There are times when you know someone says something because it is the thing you want to hear but she said that from her heart, her honest heart.
We all doubt ourselves at one point or another but we need to dig deep down into those special moments in life where we have that confidence, that belief in ourselves because with that we can accomplish anything in life!